Enjoy the rest of your summer!

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Post for Grown ups!

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No one sings the Alphabet Song like Lena Horne -- Check it out!

Computer Time

I offer this to all moms who have trouble finishing computer "work" because of the demands of children.

If it is a toddler who wants your attention, just hand her your cell phone. It will get you almost 20 minutes more.

or you can do this.

Ridiculous News

Text version of the article:

FAMILY TIMES COURIER AUG. 4, 2008
LOCAL NEWS
Headline: Carrotastrophy
Sub-headline: Healthy snack attacks local woman -- ‘s not an ordinary occurrence, but be warned!

By SUSAN B. DOMESTIC BUREAU

MANASTOWN – Like many, Susan B. tries to live a healthy lifestyle. She buys organic produce, strictly limits sweets and other junk food and even uses homemade “green” household cleaners.
One can imagine her shock when her healthy habits turned on her.
“I was just eating carrots,” explained the youthful looking mother of five and then she broke down and could not continue.
Her concerned husband, Chris B., continued for her, “In this house, no one is more careful than Susan about food. She’s always cutting the kid’s food so they don’t choke, always reminding us to chew carefully and with our mouths closed. This shouldn’t have happened to her. It should have been me.”
What happened exactly is unknown, but while Susan was munching on some carrots, she sneezed which caused the carefully chewed bits of carrot to fly up her nose and clog her nasal cavity. The Bs believe that that is when the carrots attacked.
“They wouldn’t dislodge. They wouldn’t dis--. . .” Susan broke into tears again.
“The carrots were waiting for their opportunity. When she sneezed, they took it.” Chris added.
Susan suffered acute, sinus distress from the carrots which apparently bored into her nasal cavities and would not leave.
The B’s troubles did not end there. The local supermarket refused to refund the money they spent.
To make matters worse, the Global Alliance of Carrot Farmers has dismissed the Bs carrot attack claims as “Ludicrous.”
But Susan is not without support. Citizens Aware of Carrot Aggression (CACA) has affirmed Susan’s claims:
“We see cases like Susan’s all of the time, said Ima Schnoz of CACA, “but more often, the carrots attack the victim’s windpipe. This is our first recorded instance of a carrot attack on an adult nose. Usually, the nose attacking carrots wait for a toddler to stick it up their nose before attacking, and this was, of course, a reverse attack from the throat. Clearly the carrots are getting smarter.”
CACA is troubled by the general lack of public support for this issue. “We don’t know if it is caused by ignorance or apathy, but the lack of awareness of carrot aggression is frightening. Carrots are evil!” Ms. Schnoz shook her head.
“Susan is remarkably brave for coming forward. We believe that most people have suffered a carrot attack at least once in their lives, but most people do not want to talk about it. If you’re a 10 year boy in the school lunch room, this kind of attack and accompanied nasal distress is a laugh riot,” explained Ms. Schnoz.
But no one is laughing at the B’s house. While carrot pieces eventually dislodged, it was a painful and gradual process. “You should have seen the size of those chunks,” said an astonished Chris B, “but they’re worthless to us. If only one of them had borne an image of Obama, now that would be worth something.
Yet CACA remains convinced that Susan’s suffering was not worthless. Ms. Schnoz says that even if it is one family at a time, CACA will be ever vigilant until all citizens are aware of carrot aggression.

Late Night Links and Late Night Drinks

When the children are asleep, you can sit and dream. This link is approved for all audiences.

Or you can sip on this cool, new cocktail that my sweet husband made for me. Yummy!

And you can enjoy my favorite, movie love scene ever. The love scene is in the last 40 seconds of the clip. So skip ahead. While the characters are married, fully clothed and say almost nothing, I still would not let little ones watch it. That's why this is a late night link.

Advice from Kids for Kids

By Guest Bloggers

Andrew B.
and

Joseph B.

Three words: Use the timer.

We're kids. We know the timer is most often used against us, but you can make the timer work for you.

Here's how! When your mom says she'll take you to the park in 10 minutes, use the timer.

You can work together to set it. Remember that kids often waste time and draw unnecessary parental interference when we fight amongst ourselves even over the most important issue of who got to do it the last time. So don't fight over who sets the timer. Just get it set.

The beauty of this plan is that, when the timer goes off and your mom is still on the phone, your mom will know that she has no delay tactics left in her arsenal. Start announcing very loudly, "The timer went off. It's time to go. You said we would go in ten minutes. It's time. You promised. It's time. It's time. It's time." This will not be considered rude, and in fact, secretly, your mom may even think that you are very clever.

Plans

The current, cutting edge topic of the blogs that I read involve "plans," and specifically, planning the upcoming home school year. This is important among home schoolers. Even when I taught traditional school, the principal always wanted to see my lesson plans and stated objectives. My objective was always the same:

To look like I knew what I was doing.

Kids are easy to fool, but the principal was tough. She was one of those been around the block, tough, inner city nuns. All of the students and most of the teachers were afraid of her. She ruined many a weekend. And yet I remember her fondly.

Now here I am again. There is no principal. There are bloggers. They are planning, they post their plans on their blogs and their plans make me think: "Hey I should have a plan too! And post it on my blog. And then, I'll look like I know what I'm doing."

Now why do these planning, blogging home schoolers enter my thoughts? I don't know. But it appears they have entered other people's thoughts too. The planners have apparently received unkind comments and posts.

This, of course, makes me wonder "Why?" I mean sure these planning types have ruined the rest of my summer, but does that mean there is something wrong with them or something wrong with me?

That's right. There is something wrong with them. But hey just because they want to ensure their children's proper education and the orderly running of their household does not mean that they should be subjected to condemnation.**

In support of them, I submit my home school plan for the upcoming year. Deride all you want, but know this: I've had 5 c-sections, 50 root canals and I have a titanium plate and screws in my arm. So bring it on!

My Plan

Objective: To look like I know what I am doing.

1. Come up with some "kick &*%$#" lesson plan.

2.

3.

**The planning ladies who I linked to have actually posted some of the most incredible, lesson plans that I have ever seen. I am grateful for such resources on the internet. I add this little bit, because even though I don't think they'll ever read this, they might, and I am grateful to them.

1st Blogiversary for What Actually Happens

To commemorate my first Anniversary at What Actually Happens, I offer a brief history of What Actually Happens and some highlights of the fun we have had this past year.

What Actually Happens came to be after I tried to write about Attaining Virtue. After starting my Attaining Virtue blog, I sat at my computer for a few weeks unable to blog about anything. I either was unable to attain virtue or suffered from writer's block or was intimidated by my friend who wrote to me about "pontificating blogs" after I so humbly shared my first few posts with her. I don't know.

So anyway, after a few weeks of feeling intimidated, I started this blog with this post. By way of update, the fish is now dead due to natural causes, and I have not yet taken up smoking. I don't drink before 10am either. Just kidding -- I actually wait until 11am.


Continuing with the history, I blogged and tinkered with my layout for a few weeks and never told anyone that I had a blog. Then, everything changed. I fell and broke my right arm. I got to have surgery and a permanent titanium plate and screws to mend my poor wrist. My blogging days were put on hold, and I waited over three months to be able to move my hand again.


But in the winter, when I could finally type, I resumed blogging. With this post and this post, I invited others to read my blog. Since then, I have enjoyed random blogging and cyber-interraction with other bloggers.

My greatest blogging accomplishment to date is that I took the time to research and I think, conclusively resolve the great debate over the spelling of blogiversary. Yes, it is blogiversary and not blogaversary. Although, either pronunciation is acceptable. At least, at my blog it is.

I also learned how enjoyable literary embellishment can be.

My hopes and dreams for the upcoming year include leading the campaign to victory for conservative write-in candidates for the 2008 presidential election and most other elected officials nationwide, but especially in my home state, solving the energy crisis while simultaneously investing all of my nickels in the energy solution and winning an Olympic gold medal in track and field (I've always wanted to do pole vaulting even though I had to ask my husband what it was called,) but if none of that "actually happens," I'll settle for "attaining virtue."

Be well.

Clean up

Did you ever go to clean a handprint off the wainscot panelling only to realize the handprint distracted you from noticing the all of the other smudges, spots and grime? And then spend the next hour or so cleaning walls? And since the act of cleaning those low down handprints brings you closer to the floor, you start to notice the deplorable conditions of your floors especially at the corners and baseboards?

No, me either. Just wondering.

Endless Questions of Young Boys

Wouldn't it be cool if you could pop your eye out and it could look around inside your body?

Question about Tooth Fairy Rules

When the boy's tooth is lost while he is biting his sister, does the Tooth Fairy still visit?

Endless Questions of Young Boys

If you fell from the sky, would you want to land in a swimming pool, on a trampoline or on the world's largest pillow?

If I fell from the sky and landed right in the center of a trampoline, how high do you think I would bounce?

To Your Health

Red wine ranks No. 2 in the Top 10 Healthiest Drinks list. It's right here from AOL health. So you know it has to be true.